Thinking of the phrase “on purpose” may conjure up negative thoughts. As a child, and even as an adult, you may have heard yourself saying “you did that on purpose.”

While you may have been programmed to think this phrase was bad, it’s time to “RESET” your thoughts on this phrase and learn it is key to your success. You want to know that what you are doing has purpose and that it is “on purpose.” Your efforts should have meaning, count for something and matter.

Ask yourself these questions to transform your negative message, feelings and attitude about “on purpose” and to achieve the following goals: 

• Getting Through the Day: What deliberate action(s) can I take to move through my day “on purpose,” instead of because I have to, or no one else will? Am I driving the direction of my day or is it driving me? What focus can I bring to my efforts of accomplishing a task or achieving a goal instead of drifting through my day?
• Thriving in Your Career: What is my purpose in this company/organization? Not what is my role, or my job description, but what is my purpose? What do the results of my efforts provide to the team, to the organization and to the community? This is not a mission statement. It is instead a purpose statement.
• Volunteering Your Time: When asked to volunteer your time, ask what is the purpose of my efforts? What will I help (not hope) to accomplish? Does this organization’s goals and mission fit with my values and purpose? Is this something that will contribute to my legacy and the future of others?

Patrice Hinton Oswalt, a career counselor, teaches that before taking on something new or honoring someone else’s request, to ask how does this fit with your values – those things you hold dear and contribute to your life’s plan and purpose.

For example, choose one thing that you are currently doing at work that you feel you are not doing “on purpose.” Maybe it’s creating a project report or even preparing your annual budget.  Is what you are doing automatic, or guilt, crisis management, or because no one else will? Decide now that for the next 30 days you will do this particular task “on purpose.”

Whenever your mind or attitude drifts remember to refocus – or RESET – on the purpose of this activity. You’ll feel more purposeful, productive and back in control of what you set out to accomplish.

Until next time…I remain… 

Joyfully  yours,

Mary Elizabeth Murphy

Whether it’s in the workplace or in our personal lives, trust is key for strong relationships. To brew good chemistry comes down to getting to know one another.

It never as simple as merely spending time around a person; after all, hundreds of couples get divorced every year, saying after it’s all over, “I was married to Jane for twenty-five years and never knew she loved Frankie Valli!”

We can’t simply absorb these pieces of knowledge through osmosis. Our co-workers, friends, family and significant others must allow us to learn about them. In order to do that, they must trust us. Being effective in your relationships means knowing how to build trust. The stronger that bond of trust is, the more straightforward and open your channels of communication will be.

It’s about understanding one another and how pushing buttons can increase trust or derail it. People are always thinking about what they’re feeling, or feeling about what they’re thinking. In a relationship for example, a problem doesn’t have to result in negativity. It is just a catalyst for positive change.

Let’s say you have a friend who is driven by his/her achievements; always striving for higher and higher goals. Driven people like this tend to lash out if their buttons get pushed and often will react with an ‘I’ll-do-it-by-myself’ attitude. Taking away responsibilities, such as a simple cooking chore from a spouse or child, can insult that person because it implies that they are bad at it.

The reality is that hundreds of buttons exist within each of us and some are larger or more sensitive than others. So it’s important to observe your own behavior and assess how you react in certain situations. To truly RESET your buttons you must ‘Know thyself’ and you will accomplish this by continuing to raise your level of self-awareness.

Our relationship between thoughts and feelings is strong because our needs drive our values and beliefs which drive our thinking and feelings which create our behaviors or actions.  Ultimately, it will be your actions, your behavior in your relationships that will build or destroy, trust.

Each of us has our own unique personality, which includes our own way of behaving. When you’re looking to RESET Your Buttons®, it’s crucial that you understand yourself and your behavioral tendencies. For example, most of us are unable to predict how we will behave when frightened. When your behavior and reactions become unpredictable, so may the behavior and reactions of those around you. That can create a volatile mixture.

A fear-driven situation is one in which a person is driven so far out of his or her comfort zone that their assumptions about that situation are challenged. In RESET Your Buttons®, we call this pushing the Expectations button. When you wake up in the morning, you expect the sky to be up, the ground to be down, red to be red and blue to be blue. Any other scenario could make you, well, afraid.

While no two people’s reactions are exactly the same, most people have behavior tendencies that will fall into one of four categories.

Dr. William Moulton Marston created the DISC Theory Behavioral model, one of the major influences for the RESET model. Marston was the creator of the systolic blood-pressure test, which led to the creation of the polygraph (lie detector). This discovery led him to the creation of the Wonder Woman Character … but I digress.

The point is that DISC is an acronym which Marston described as Dominance, Inducement, Submission and Compliance. In the book RESET Your Buttons® I refer to your Accomplishment, Recognition, Stability and Correctness buttons based on, among others – Marston’s research.

When your fear button has been triggered, here are a few things you can expect depending upon your style and that style’s major fear.

Dominance Style or Accomplishment Button

Major Fear: Being taken advantage of and/or losing control.

Button Pushed: People with this button may tend to become demanding (thump the table, point a finger, etc.) eventually if the button is not RESET they will become like a tyrant.

Inducement Style or Recognition Button

Major Fear: Social Rejection and/or being ignored (loss of approval).

Button Pushed: People with this button may tend to over talk (turn up the volume & speed), if the button is not RESET they will throw an emotional tantrum.

Submission Style or Stability Button

Major Fear: Sudden change and/or loss of security.

Button Pushed: People with this button may appear to comply or go along. Ultimately, unless they RESET, will withdraw emotionally and later erupt with even greater emotion.

Compliance Style or Correctness Button

Major Fear: Criticism of what they do, making mistakes and/or lack of standards

Button Pushed: A tendency to go silent-with coldness, ultimately withdrawing with dignity, and without using their RESET Button, will attack with facts.